So, lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of people on social media beginning their own journey to physical health. And, damn am I happy for them. I love seeing people getting their lives in order and what better way to do that than to become physically fit? Because in our culture being skinny equals happiness, right? Wrong.
My whole life, I have been living for drastic changes in my life so that my life would start and I would finally be happy. As a kid, I couldn’t wait to be 16 so that I could drive and be independent and be FINALLY happy. As a teenager, I couldn’t wait to be 18 so I could be an adult and move out and be FINALLY happy. As a single person, I couldn’t wait to find a boy who loved me so I could be his girlfriend and be FINALLY happy. The common denominator in all of these things? They didn’t actually make me happy.
When I was 16, I got my license and my parents gave me a car to drive, but I still didn’t feel happy. When I turned 18, I went to college and grew up and moved out, but I still didn’t feel happy. Last summer I met a boy, and I fell deeply head-over-heels in love with him. He tells me everyday how pretty or smart or funny I am. But, you guessed it, I still didn’t feel happy. I waited and waited and waited for all these stages to finally come in my life, but when they did they didn’t magically fix anything. The reason I was still so unhappy is because I have this inability to love myself. No matter what I do, no matter what magic diet I try, no matter how much someone else loves me, I have never truly loved myself.
One thing I’ve always struggled with is weight. I’ve always not been ecstatic about the way I looked. So, I would try anything. I would let people say awful things about the way I looked just so that I would try their diet craze or something crazy like that. I would kill myself over the fact that I failed another diet. I am done doing that. You might not be crazy about the way I look, but I’m going to be. Another thing I’ve always struggled with is my writing, but y’all already know I’m embracing that and putting those fears aside with this blog. I’m getting over those struggles, and I’m gonna love myself because of those things that I have struggled with.
So, here I am starting my own health journey. But I won’t be counting calories or running a ton (I mean, I might do those things if I feel like it). I’ll be giving myself some positive self talk every morning when I wake up, throughout my difficult parts of my day, and every night before I go to bed. I’ll surround myself with people who bring out the best parts of me. I’ll devote myself to things that make me feel good. I’ll do things that might be selfish or weird to other people. I will live my life for me. Because I don’t want to look in the mirror and only see the negatives anymore. I don’t want to kill myself over the pounds that I’m not losing.
From today forward, I am beginning my mental health journey because that’s what I need right now. I am so encouraged by those of you starting your own health journeys, no matter what kind they are. I am encouraging anyone who is reading this to begin your own journey for yourself. Whether it’s for your physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, or just overall well being, start it today. Fight for yourself and love and encourage those who are beginning their own journeys, no matter how different those journeys are from your own.
If you’re on a journey of any kind right now, and you need encouragement, I’m here. If you’re struggling through something right now, I’m here. If you’re failing to see your true potential, I’m here (I love pointing that shit out for people). At the end of the day, I’m here for whoever needs it. Find yourself and love that person, and if you can’t, it’s okay to ask for help.
thanks for reading
much love (for myself and you)